Monday, 23 December 2013
Fear of Pain
Again, sorry for only just updating you all! I saw the psychologist on Tuesday, and we actually finished our two hour appointment early! We’re running out of things to discuss and work on, treatment has definitely been working, and the biofeedback only gets better and better each week we do it (taking a break until the new year though).
One thing we discovered in my psychologist appointment though is that I seem to have a fear of pain, but not all types of pain. She wanted to try an exercise where we would hold our arms straight out to the sides for three minutes and notice and discuss our thoughts about the pain, but the problem for me is that I am not fearful of that aching pain. I’m fearful of stabbing pains. The stabbing I get in my vulva/vagina, the stabbing from the needle of a blood test, pin pricks, etc.
She didn’t quite understand why I was fearful of one and not the other, but she did give me an assignment! For a few days straight, I am to use a toothpick and poke myself on the arms, the stomach, the legs, hands, etch to see if I can reduce my anxiety level of that sensation, and once the anxiety level has decreased, to use the toothpick to poke more sensitive areas (areas with more nerve endings) like my lips, or my breasts. The more I do it, the more I might find that it’s not painful and that it just gives a sensation!
I haven’t started yet, but I’m excited to because once that anxiety decreases I can really start to localize my vaginal pain. As of right now, I’ve discovered I don’t have pain between the sides of my clitoris and my labia, but I’m worried I have pain at the base of my clitoris and so have been avoiding the area and been too scared to touch it to even discover if it’s painful or not.
That’s all I really have to say! I feel like my pain truly is decreasing! Even though I didn’t really have a baseline. Life has been good, excited to start again in the new year with my treatment.
Merry Christmas guys (and happy holidays) AND Happy New Year!
Total for the day: $277.00
Total Psychologist fees up until today (not including travel expenses): $975.00